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Quiet Earth

Relationships: Don’t Take Them Personally - Stuart Wilde

Posted by Quiet Earth on


Romantic relationships in the modern era are a challenge. The old military/patriarchal system designed the heterosexual relationship as a control mechanism to keep women at home — nice and safe, churning out chubbies for the tribe. The men's position looked a lot more attractive because at least he got to go out to work and pop to the pub for a drink.

However the male’s position under the patriarchal system was as much a trap as the females. His function, traditionally, was to toil and sacrifice himself for the system. To provide fodder for the guns for the industrial/military complex, or to die in the mines of lung disease. It was required to give his heart and soul to the family, state and the church. So the man wasn't really free either.

The old system can't last in the modern era. People won't buy it. Relationships have to be more fluid. Many seek individuality and they seek the divinity within themselves. They can't take the restriction of the old ways.

Spiritual males often have a lot of softness and femininity. The modern female wants and is entitled to, the things that the male world offers. So the rules that allowed old style relationships to survive, albeit in a very uncomfortable mode, have broken down.

Energy is moving quickly. Your partner may be growing, you may be growing. Each of you is changing. As you both become more aware of your inner self, you become less rigid in your definitions. You move away from absolute femininity and absolute masculinity in the old patriarchal/matriarchal terminology, towards a more spiritual divine endogenous state. The journey requires us to embrace both yin and yang.

Sometimes your inner journey towards individuality and self knowledge requires you to seek and travel away from your partner, which might cause pressure on the relationship. Perhaps your inner journey has uncovered a lot of hurt and pain which you project onto your partner. Your partner, in turn, may discover their original pain and project it upon you. Meanwhile, the old patriarchal system is on its last legs, imposing more and more silly rules and regulations upon society, along with taxes and impositions and duties. Daily life has become tougher and tougher. It's a lot harder to make a living, make ends meet, raise children and keep the family structure together under modern economic political systems.

So here we are at the end of this Millennium with an ill defined modus operandi for how relationships are supposed to work. Ideally, if both parties have endless money and no particular job each has to attend to, and no children, you can both waft off to an island and have an ideal romantic relationship. But romance is an illusion. It wasn't invented until about the 1300’s. In reality it's a mirage; a psychic disturbance that causes an altered state of consciousness which comes from over concentrating on another human to the detriment of self. After a few months of “romance” you have to drift back to reality for your own sanity and survival. Romantic love is doomed. It requires both parties to have no differences. Each has to ignore the aspects of the other that are different.

Eventually, you're going to have to face those differences and you're going to have to accommodate them. at that point you learn to compromise, albeit begrudgingly perhaps. After a while that accommodation can become dull. it often makes you angry. Sooner or later each of you will seek to individualize within your relationship. It's bound to happen, it's a part of the spiritual nature of your journey. It is in that individualization process that most relationships fall apart. You have to be very solid and trusting to allow your partner to wander off without it threatening you and the relationship.

Energy moves so fast nowadays. Years ago just a few realisations may have taken 10 or 20 years. Now things come to us very quickly because we are in touch with our Higher Self, so it's natural for relationships to burn out faster. A relationship can quickly arrive at that somewhat sad and dreary point where there is nothing further for either of you to gain. If you are not growing from a relationship, what's the point? It's sad to be in an emotional dead end. Unfortunately all this can leave a trail of havoc — divorce, alimony, abandoned children, single parents. Those are the aspects of the modern system.

I think if we return to the old system where families were part of small tribes and the tribe helped with the children, then family life would be a lot easier. There would be other people around to help raise the children. But in modern life we are isolated and even though we may have a few friends to hang out with, we often don't have that sense of connection to the tribe or to the greater family that might support us. The theory is that bliss and happiness will come once we have our own home and two cars in the yard. In fact, none of these things can make up for the sense of abandonment and loss we feel by not having the society of the tribe around us. I doubt if the system will change in the foreseeable future.

Remember, if relationships don't last it's not necessarily your fault. You shouldn't have any guilt or recrimination. The modern political and social system is designed to exert as much pressure as possible on the family unit. Politicians who claim they support family values are full of BS. If it were true they would cancel the rules, lower taxes and help make people's lives easier. Now they feed off citizens.

Meanwhile we soldier on. We need a new set of rules for how relationships should work. It may take 100 or 200 years before people work out those new rules, in this transitionary period you can expect a lot of chopping and changing. A lot of very honest, genuine people are trying to get it right and sometimes they fail, but that's okay.

If that's your case, it certainly is mine, I wouldn't beat yourself up. Understand it's part of your greater evolution and it's part of our collective spiritual journey. How will we define relationships and the family structure so there is freedom and spiritual growth without all the rules, regulations and restrictions that have suffocated us?

I can't say I know definitely what the answer is. You have to have a lot of love and trust and communication to even stand a chance. If you fail, I would look to the heroic nature of the fact that you tried your best. There are no guarantees. We’re on open ground, flying blind, trying to work it out as best we can, in what are the very pressurising circumstances of modern life.

I think as long as you are genuine and you have compassion and caring it doesn't matter if you stuff it up. We are the experimental forerunners that are sacrificed to the development of a completely different ideal. A new methodology whereby future generations will define marriage and relationships in a new more spiritual and liberating way. Those future people would develop a new method, perhaps one that is way more sophisticated than anything we have ever thought of. But whatever develops it will have to be built upon the experience of our successes and failures.

We are in an experiment like laboratory mice, defining a new era via our heroic attempts at love, relationships and family. We are in conditions that are designed to cause you as much stress as possible.

The secret to relationships is not to take them personally. It's all an experiment. A brave new idea. One that will eventually allow us to enjoy relationships without the pain and the restriction. We can have love, companionship and freedom enough for both partner's to discover themselves.